


world feels like this

by losestelia



Category: ONF (Band)
Genre: Biting, M/M, Making Out, Minor Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 02:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18459803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/losestelia/pseuds/losestelia
Summary: minkyun standing in the middle of the room, toes poking at his shirt discarded on the floor feels like trespassing. the fabric a dejected boundary line, neither of them have the mind to uphold it.





	world feels like this

**Author's Note:**

> ha yeah this kinda just popped out of nowhere...  
> i wrote this in like a day for No Reason and i'm kinda mad at myself for doing this instead of literally Anything Else,  
> so have this weird piece of imagery for my favorite rare pair i guess  
> enjoy  
> -rose

 

 

the wet spring air absorbed through his band tee. letting the fabric kiss idly at his skin. it’s not particularly cold or hot, just spring. the strange combination of more recognizable seasons. less indecisive seasons.  

today is his last night in japan. 

last night in a broad description of- home. and back to a more complicated revision of family. 

korea. 

where his music lives, where his job lives, where his sweat lives.

korea. 

he swings idly, legs kicking him into a steady motion of flight and fall. spring in japan smells like water, like the cleanliness of a pool of crystal blue. the nature and the quiet.

yuto feels like he belongs in japan, like he fits. he meshes and fades with the blossoms and smooth gray sidewalks. the perfect angles of the streets, the big community buildings- home. 

home.

japan. 

his feet slow him, scraping at the dusty ground. the wind consists to blow cool mist over his face. is it weird that he misses korea? misses the affectionate glances, the incessant nagging, the stress, the determination, the constant confusion, and just the chaos.

call him crazy but, he craves it.

something about being an idol rewires your brain. normally he’d take a quiet spring day like this over scrubbing dishes half awake at midnight after a schedule. normally he’d take being silent, still, and expressionless over the demand of a thousand cameras. 

the flash of a thousand cameras. 

being watched is something he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to, it’s still comforting. 

something about being admired, inspected, adored. 

every day someone finds something new to love about him. it’s fascinating. 

 

he has always been him since debut- since birth. and the more the ‘him’ he presents is loved, the more it’s difficult to turn away from the cameras. the lights and the people. privacy is nice too but, it’s not like anyone can hear his thoughts. or anyone can see him sing heartfelt renditions of dean in the shower. the members can probably hear him but, it’s good they can’t see him. there's not a lot he has to hide other than that.

he stretches his neck back to stare at the upside-down world behind him. jungle gyms and aerobics bikes defying gravity, he remembers.

he has one thing to hide. 

one small insignificant stain on society’s “normal”. to him it’s not a mistake, to his brothers it’s just a part of him. he doesn’t mind it as long as it doesn’t interfere with his dreams, doesn’t interfere with the shutter of a thousand cameras. 

he’s liked boys since shinee had debuted, since one girl in his class had asked him who he liked. since he learned that shinee’s minho was not a correct answer.

“no who do you  _ like _ like.” the girl had said, giggling like his genuine admiration of the best boy group of all time was somehow a joke. he had thought about, liking girls. they were pretty, nice hair, sweet voices- but also consider taemin had all of that. he didn’t dislike women, they just weren’t his only option whatever that made him, he was. yuto didn’t know that he was growing up in a country where he pretty much has no rights. well, he’ll  _ have _ no rights if he speaks up. which he won’t. he doesn’t mind keeping a secret, one of these times. one crumb of a cake won’t be missed from four tiers. 

didn’t matter if the crumb was rainbow colored. yuto snickers, the only sound he’s made in hours. 

the swing rocks with the beat of his breaths alone. like a leaf blown around by a stubborn breeze. he didn’t feel like moving, so he didn’t. 

 

there was this video he used to watch back in middle school. one he stumbled over after a 2 am dive on youtube, with his watch history paused his warmed and thoroughly indented by his figure.

he clicked. 

the video made him smile for a moment, then cry soon after. ryo and haru’s disney themed wedding. two women in princess ball gowns, placing rings on each other's fingers. taking photos by sunlit windows, smiling.

yuto cried. 

smiling, tears slipping through his lips, bitterness held at his stomach. same-sex marriage wasn’t legally recognized or protected under the current policy. but they got married anyway. they took vows in front of their friends, smiled into the face of the law, took the flowers in their bouquets and stuck them in guns of stigma. 

yuto kept crying. 

it was a stupid six-minute video of mostly blurry photos and imovie music. a little selfish part of him wants to forget he saw it. forget that to be able to be with whoever he loves he has to denounce his culture essentially. denounce the heavily implied law, the normal, maybe his parents. he would forget his problem. 

 

that he never thought was a problem. 

 

that years ago, a more innocent him, never thought much of. he has a problem, but he is not a problem. for years, to well-meaning aunts, prying interviewers, close friends. it’s been a quilt of different excuses. 

“don’t have the time.”

“not interested.” 

“just a distraction.”

“there are more important things.” or just a short, lackluster

“busy.” 

none of them are lies, excuses always have a weak sprinkling of truth in them somewhere. not having time to date and not wanting to date are two very different things. being an idol pretty much meant he couldn’t date unless he was some master of mystery and disguise. which he’s not. not to mention most of the members can see right through him. most of them. 

most of them. 

and how he’s come full circle, made a big loop in his thoughts and settled back onto that same pile of dread he’d been sitting on. 

he’s going back to korea tomorrow. 

he’s going back to minkyun who doesn’t have a clue that he’s possibly everything he fears. 

he’s been fearing. 

minkyun had this look in his eye when he told the group in passing that he liked boys. it wasn’t distaste or anything hateful, it was a glassy stare. one yuto would have when he stared at the fish flitting around the class aquarium in grade school. it was dull fascination and maybe an underlying fear.

maybe he’s reading too much into it. it could have just been shock, elongated, aquarium fascination like shock. 

 

yutos okay at playing off his feelings as something else. as friendly banter and admiration. and it’s dumb that he even considers it as an option, that he even gives the thought the time of day. minkyuns straight. 

predebut girlfriends, tactless magazines, way too many numbers to scroll through in his contacts. he’s charming, dimples, the guitar, a warm- almost angelic- generosity. 

he’s almost the prime instigator of the group's gay antics. saying how he would marry them, gets close enough to kiss them, that long piercing stare with a suggestive smirk.

everyone gets that from minkyun, it’s almost routine to be hit on by him.

yuto gets upset at that.

it’s insulting and misleading for him to kiss his cheek and hold his hand when they walk to the company. cuddle him to sleep and protest when he tries to wriggle out of his grasp.

_ why?  _

everyone gets held by him, kissed by him, stared at with those round love filled eyes. and what’s any of it for? it should be for him, saved for him. why does he just throw it around? does he know how precious that kind of love is?

a sharp wind cuts through his hair, whipping it up and around him. 

“why?” the words are swallowed by the rustling leaves and grass, forgotten by the earth. yuto leaned against silicone covered chain causing the seat to sway. 

_ ah, i know why. _

because he never told him it was cruel, never allowed himself to let his intentions slip beyond that. the line between the little insignificant piece of himself that can change how everyone might see him and minkyun. 

sweet, caring, listening, minkyun.

chivalrous, competent, awkwardly adorable, minkyun. 

he’s such an idiot for falling for him. an idiot for letting the little things he does affect him. yutos not against love, it just sometimes gets in his way. it gets under his skin and swarms around his brain, it fucks up a normal conversation with a colleague and twists it into a work-in-progress romance novel. everything is suddenly, “oh sweet lord look at how much his eyes sparkle when the light hits them like that.”.

yuto always wanted a fairytale and minkyun is as close to a prince as any human has ever gotten.

excluding the members of shinee.

yuto hops off the swing set, feeling every crunch of the wood chips and dirt beneath his feet. he inhaled the misty, clean, city smell of japan- his technical home. and he knows no matter how long he sits here it won’t make anything in his life easier. 

it won’t make it make more sense. his solutions are the same shitty once they’ve always been. his outcomes will be just as similar. and all of these things will remain secrets. 

 

from his family

his seniors

his friends

his members

his fans

 

he’s getting nowhere.

 

he likes nowhere, he likes the certainty of not being found. there's no way he’ll ever know how many people beyond the streets of his hometown, beyond his mind, feel the same way about minkyun. push away the same thoughts, grow tired of the same experiences. dream the same dreams. yuto could be one of thousands. whos to say someone out there doesn’t love him more? 

stronger. 

less like a coward. 

someone who can actually do something about it.

yuto would like to think him ignoring- fighting his secrets, is bring someone else closer to a fairytale. 

there's an excuse he can use. 

  
  


* * *

 

after an hour of typing out all the stupid things he thinks about minkyun, all the poetic bullshit he can muster, he allows himself to check his texts.   
  


 

[22 NEW MESSAGES]

 

yuto’s almost 90% the majority of those are seungjoon promising him food if he denounces hyojin. or promising him food if he says ‘i love you’ just one time. maybe a year ago he would have fallen for that, but there’s no food. ever. empty promises of fish cakes or strawberry ice cream sundaes. 

yuto almost doesn’t want to read them.

 

deernim: yo

deernim: *ya

deernim: **YI

deernim: *****YUTO

deernim: OMG

deernim: just wanted to know when you’d get back

deernim: i’m at seungjoon’s house for now, we’ll be home soon

deernim: do you miss korea yet????

 

lightningleader!!: hElp hyojins everywhere i look

lightningleader!!: i’ll make you ramen if you get back in the next 3 hours,,not spicy this time…

lightningleader!!: promise~~now come back (╥ᆺ╥；)

lightningleader!!: text. me. back. 

 

spidertion: mr. yuto have you eaten yet? my uncle made bulgogi

spidertion: [image sent]

spidertion: what time is it in japan?

spidertion: *realizes it's the same time zone* 

spidertion: …@__@

spidertion: u come back to korea i think i’m dying

 

wyattthebrave: u, how’s japan?

wyattthebrave: i got you some marshmallow bread that’s shaped like a bunny,, i’ll protect it in the fridge (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و

 

milkangel: text me when you land safely!!! i’m at my parent’s but i’ll see you in a few days, friend~~```♡✧( ु•⌄• )

milkangel: uhmm, the hyungs say to answer their texts…

 

yuto has absolutely no plans of texting any of them back. maybe just minseok, because how could he ignore that?

he scrolls through the group chat absently reading the plans to go to the grocery store and pictures of their hometowns. it nearly lulls yuto to sleep until he notices he hasn’t gotten a text from minkyun. it’s unlikely he would stay home longer than the rest of them, he’s probably asleep in the dorms or just awake in his studio somewhere. as annoying as the barrage of texts from all of them is, it show that they care about him in their own dumb way. minkyun tends to lose his head in composing and music. he forgets about his worries, his members, eating. it’ll be late when he manages to pull himself out of that hole. a ‘yuto, get home safe!’ isn’t what’s on his mind. an ‘i love you' isn’t on his mind. other times he would know that, other times he just wants to hear it one more time and he wants him to mean it. mean it differently than all the other times.

 

[2 NEW MESSAGES] 

 

his heart jumps into his throat as he drags the notification down, clicking slowly and carefully like it might fly away. 

 

kittykyun: miss me yet? ;)

kittykyun: i’m the only one in mangwon rn,,,if you tell me when you’re coming i’ll buy some welcome home chicken~~

 

he can’t tell if that’s a genuine offer or just a ploy to get him to say when he’s leaving. he doesn’t respond so no one can accuse him of showing favoritism.

in their eyes, he likes them all the same small amount.

yuto clicks back to his notes, fingers flying over the keyboard as he finds a perfect word for how beautiful minkyun looks when he smiles. finding the perfect adjective is like catching a firefly in a jar, glowing, shining living trophy. like he stole the words right out of the air and stuck them onto minkyun.

twinkling, charming, generous. 

god, if only he knew.

his phone buzzes again, still minkyun.

 

kittykyun: so you’re up? don’t feel like talking? 

 

yuto’s face heats up and he looks around to see if anyone noticed. which is stupid and he’s an idiot for even entertaining the action. he forgot read receipts exist and that minkyun must enjoy making him feel even more flustered. he can't really blame this on him, he doesn’t know what exactly he’s doing to yuto.

he never knows what he’s doing at all.

 

dancemachine: caught me :p

dancemachine: i should be in @ 10 pm tomorrow

dancemachine: don’t get me food i might be late

 

he adds the last part quickly and carefully, he wouldn’t want minkyun to get him food and then make him wait. skillfully deciding to ignore the question of if he missed him, he plugs his phone up and closes the messaging app, clicking back to his notes. he’ll read it one time then go to sleep, the clock reads 12:15.

 

>>>

_ touching him feels like eating cotton candy. _

_ you're hesitant to put this thing that looks like it tastes like a napkin in your mouth, everyone tells you it’s sweet. they tell you it's good. so you try it hesitantly placing the strange food on your tongue. and then it crackles and congeals, sugar crystallizes sweetly over your taste buds. every part of your mouth it touches it sweetens instantly. the sticky syrup sin of his lips and teeth leave me breathless. my heart, it shakes with the force of an army and i call it a sugar rush. i call it the cream of your skin evening out the patchy places in my soul. _

_ i call you my dazzling star because i know the minute i try to reach out for you, i will be years too late. the blinding way you smile is a trick i always fall for, a treat i’ll always ask for. _

_ his skin is taught over his bones and his bones are rounded with kindness. every rib that dips under my fingers whispers something i’ve never heard before. and is shush his secrets because full disclosure doesn’t mean all the words in his mind. it means something warming in his heart, still and truthful. it means knowing his skin when it hovers over me, knowing what body even means. holding him feels like breathing in lungfuls of sand _

_ running while crying _

_ having someone tug at your stomach _

_ crying while dehydrated _

_ like someone trying to take both your kidneys _

_ like your face is burning _

_ like the ground is sinking _

_ it feels like... this _

 

* * *

 

 

if anything made sense maybe life wouldn’t be like this. maybe his flight back would have been shorter and not make him arrive pushing past midnight. he was greeted by a hundred additional texts from seungjoon and the familiar smell of korea.

korea. 

too many senses he’s exhausted. he takes the last bus instead of a car, not in the mood to meet anyone, not in the mood to talk. the thought of switching languages makes his head hurt and his tired eyes burn even more. the bus ride is quiet and intertwined with that light, happy feeling that he’ll be home soon. from the messages he got he’d be lucky if anyone was even home or awake enough to sleepily wave at him, let alone make him any food. none of them could cook, he knows it would be shitty at best, but at least it’ll taste like home. 

 

he opens the door with a little difficulty after not doing it in a few weeks.

“i’m home.” he says it in japanese and giggles to himself at the mistake. he’d be worried of waking someone up but they never really sleep anyway. he hears rustling and thumping of feet from one of the bedrooms. yuto kicks off his shoes and pulls his suitcase up into the house.

it’s minkyun.

minkyun toweling of his fading blond hair shirtless.

shirtless minkyun, but that's not really shocking.

his hair is darker with water, not dripping but flat and fluffy in only a few places he can see under the towel. he just stares at him, the light low so minkyun’s shadow dwarfs his own on the dirty dorm floor. he feels like he should say something, express something?

maybe an ‘i missed you’? 

or a ‘glad to be home’?

or just asking him if there’s anything edible in the fridge. 

“i’m home.” he says it in korean, his accent peeking through and making the words hang strangely in the air. if anything made sense maybe minkyun would have smiled at him or asked him how the trip was, maybe even given him a hug. maybe it would have been easier for yuto to forget how fucked up everything really was when minkyun got involved. how everything was tangled and awkward but thankfully yuto kept that a secret. he held onto that so much, normal people moments like this are eventually ruined by his pining.

nothing had to make sense when it came to minkyun. he could make up a truth and yuto would die by it.

but if anything made sense at all minkyun wouldn't be 6 inches away from his face, breath minty, eyes...different. it’s a look he hasn't met yet, a look he hasn't had the chance to get to know. it’s like the look he gives him when he’s about to say something cheesy, suggestive, but the words don’t come. the signature smirk doesn’t show itself

it’s intimacy with a serious tint.

it’s passion without a punchline.  

 

it’s become clear that today, or anything at all wasn’t made to make sense. if it did mikyun would need to explain and yuto would need an explanation. 

“is this weird?” minkyun holds yuto’s arm, not keeping him there, he could easily slip out of it. it was a reminding him it was safe to stay there. he’s never asked him something was weird before. weird follows minkyun around, like where there's sugar there's ants. or where there's dead bodies there's worms.

“no-” minkyun quirks an eyebrow “i mean, kind of, but everything's weird in its own way i guess.”. yuto’s babbling, it's harder to hold his gaze when it lands on him, and yuto finds himself focusing on the freckle on the bridge of minkyun's nose. the nose bridge thing is a trick to sustain eye contact he had been taught by his dad. he probably wouldn’t be too thrilled about him using this to keep from losing his mind when minkyun looks like he’s about to kiss him. rarely is there anywhere to hide from minkyun, especially when yuto is alone with him.

he’s scared.

he’s doesn’t know of what exactly, everything maybe. kissing, this just being kissing, this being more than kissing. scared of screwing up and fumbling through it. minkyun’s older than him and emotionally, mentally stronger than him. he leads minkyun to his room taking off his shirt and tossing it at minkyun’s feet. a surrender, white t-shirt flag, crumpled pitifully on the dusty bedroom floor. the lights are on, save for the standing lamp in the corner, casting a pale yellowish glow at the wall. even in the dying light, it's easy to find minkyun's eyes, confused but not questioning it. he swallows and feels like it echoes through the room. maybe it does. minkyun’s hand moves slightly to his waist and yuto lets out a whistling breath.

 

"can i kiss you? any answer is an answer i’ll accept." minkyun asks, voice low.

_ yes of course, you fool, just kiss me _ , but if yuto caves now then he will never find himself here again. minkyun leaving the decision to him is a good way to make yuto panic and give a wrong answer. he’s laid out all of his cards, all of his chest, put his weapons away. and thinking is key here. if only his brain would fucking work. 

"yuto," minkyun murmurs, holding yuto's name in his mouth like a cat holds a dead bird still fluttering pathetically in it’s teeth. 

"i'm okay," yuto says. he ducks his head and minkyun follows, leaning forward and trying to catch his eyes again.

"if you don't want-”

"i do," yuto cuts him off, looking up. "you wouldn’t be this close if i didn’t. i wouldn’t have taken you in here if i didn’t."

"still," minkyun says kindly.

yuto exhales hard through his nose. the brighter light from the hall outside his room crawls in from beneath the door. locked door. maybe that was the problem. as soon as yuto had turned the lock he had turned a gear in his chest, wound the spool of his heart a tad too much. his skin feels like plastic wrap stretched tight over his body, vacuuming him in and suffocating him. his palms prickle with sweat. his hairline. under his arms. locking the door makes this feel like a crime. minkyun's hip bone peeking out from inside his joggers is obscene. minkyun standing in the middle of the room, toes poking at his shirt discarded on the floor feels like trespassing. the fabric a dejected boundary line, neither of them have the mind to uphold it. 

maybe if minkyun were not himself. beautiful things can have teeth and minkyun has the capacity to tear him apart, but even with the light touches and the kind words, yuto feels the keen sense that minkyun is hiding fangs. 

he’s not completely against being bitten. 

minkyun guides him to sit on the bedroom floor, the bed seeming like they were doing something wrong. it felt like they were doing something that could be quickly misconstrued as sexual. which  _ obviously  _ it’s not, why on  _ earth _ would you think that? they kneel facing each other as if in confessional, but there is nothing holy about minkyun's knees between yuto's slightly spread legs. minkyun's heels are tucked under the rise of his thighs, house slippers somewhere beneath them. yuto's lips pressed together and a muscle in his jaw works. he looks away.

"i want you to."

looks back, immediately when minkyun drags his nails lightly over yuto's knee in swirling patterns. "then anyway you want it is fine,” yuto watches his fingers move, like beautiful creatures skittering across his leg “it doesn't have to be your mouth." they move in spirals, hardly daring to stray past his kneecap. "could just be your cheek. forehead, ear. neck..." yuto's nape ripples with goosebumps. 

"i can kiss your neck if you want," minkyun says.

the idea is appealing but there are somethings they should save for later. yuto shakes his head tightly. "no, that's- no." he takes another breath. "just- lips, okay?"

"okay," minkyun says, a frankly suiting amusement on his face.

yuto isn't sure he's ready, but the room is only getting darker, like his eyes are adjusting backwards. if he misses minkyun's mouth he'll have to change his name and move to iceland to escape the embarrassment. he doesn’t move forward yet, the squirrel stopping in front of the moving car. the salmon flopping around in the net being pulled out of the ocean, the rabbit thumping on the den of the fox inviting it out for a run. yuto knows he can’t outrun minkyun and he knows that it’s obvious he’ll be caught. the worst he can do is not attempt to run, or wait for the fox to tear him apart himself. that’s still worst-case scenario, getting torn to shreds. the worst yuto can actually do is be a bad kisser. he stretches out a hand and lets his fingertips brush minkyun's cheek, just before his ear. minkyun's lips part with a quiet inhale, and yuto leans in first.

minkyun's lips are soft and smooth with lip balm. yuto has a fraction of a moment to kick himself for not thinking of that before he seals their mouths together and everything shifts a little to the left. it’s like fire melting through plastic and that liquid plastic burning straight through the floor somehow.

where their skin touches, an electric current hisses and sparks between them. yuto can only feel his mouth on minkyun, his fingers against minkyun's cheek, and minkyun's hand squeezing his knee again. he is hyper-aware of the shape and texture of minkyun's lips as he kisses at them; gentle, exploratory presses that familiarize him with the rhythms of minkyun's body. minkyun is surprisingly passive; letting yuto have his way exploring from corner to corner of his mouth with butterfly kisses and longer moments of inhaling and exhaling together through their noses.

minkyun's nose nestles into yuto's, bumps it occasionally, but they fit together smoothly. yuto opens his eyes when they breathe together, foreheads hovering close, only to see minkyun already looking at him. he flushes hot from his ears to his toes. he holds minkyun's gaze; this does not feel like a challenge. he brushes his lips lightly across minkyun's, enough for the static between them to crackle. minkyun sucks in a breath and yuto feels it.

"you're good at this," minkyun whispers, lips touching yuto's as he speaks.

the flush over yuto's skin prickles. minkyun's words drag across him like a rake on stubborn autumn leaves. 

"can i do more?" minkyun says suddenly.

yuto’s eyes lose focus. "more..." he whispers back

minkyun brings his other hand up to cup yuto's face in both hands. "yuto...” he breathes, a question.

every breath thunders in the empty room, “yes,".

minkyun holds him and dives against his mouth. he pulls yuto’s bottom lip into his mouth—sharp, solid, gentle—and sucks on it, heart crawling into his throat and demanding he let minkyun devour him whole. his other hand clutches at the sleeve of minkyun’s arm. yuto tongues at the rise of minkyun's lip, his teeth gently mapping the soft inside. he lets minkyun go but catches him again, savoring the pinch of delicate skin between his teeth and tongue. minkyun presses even closer to him.

minkyun’s tongue writes promises along his mouth, tracing the shape of yuto's palette like a cat batting at a string until yuto tilts his head and seals their open mouths together to let their tongues twine. he twists his fingers in the hair that curls around and behind minkyun's ears. he pulls and minkyun pushes as if they could meld together through will alone. minkyun is tender and firm. passive but warning him. yuto's heart aches so fiercely he fears it may grow claws and tear its way out of his chest to curl inside minkyun's instead.

minkyun, "can i kiss your neck?" his eyes watch him behind his bangs, a seriousness he’s not used to. 

"hyung," yuto says, physically pained by the earnest tone this has shifted to.

"will you let me?" the words implored, one of minkyun’s boxy hands ask his body the same question. his body says yes, cuts off his air supply and chokes all the blood from his limbs until he agrees. it feels like breathing with a lungful of jell-o, like there's quick-dry nail polish in his blood. 

"you'll eat me," yuto chokes out, his body on fire. burning up like a garbage can fire full of whiskey and petrol. 

minkyun responds by dropping one hand to the small of yuto's back in time to feel him arch instinctively into the touch. yuto whimpers mostly at his own pathetic actions, clamping his eyes shut so he didn’t have to see minkyun’s unyielding gaze. 

"innocent, my ass," minkyun hisses.

“never said i was.” he laughs weakly into the tension, it fades into the gravity of what he’d just said. inviting minkyun to see him as an option, not a dongsaeng or a colleague. inviting him to see yuto. the yuto that’s apparently a good kisser and really doesn’t mind being kissed shirtless on his bedroom floor. he can’t tell if that’s the yuto minkyun had seen before, when he’d asked to kiss him in the first place, but either way, he’s making it clear. 

minkyun leans in to press his mouth to yuto's ear, the reverent touch of lover he’s known for years. not the touch of someone who suddenly offered to make out with him after he got back from a trip. he drags his finger over the lines of minkyun’s chest, his hot fingers leaving blush in their wake. his hands move to settle on his waist, pressing into the muscles to make them remember him. his chest brushing minkyun’s chest it’s weird. it’s new, almost divine how everything doesn’t make sense but he has faith in it anyway. it’s chemistry he cannot see. 

"you touch me like you're worshipping me," minkyun whispers against yuto’s shoulder, shuddering into the tickling feeling of another person’s skin.

"kiss my neck," yuto orders.

yuto’s light headed and off-balance when minkyun starts lowering him back onto the floor, his knees cage in yuto's narrow hips as he spreads his body over him. minkyun blocks the lamplight out of view, all he can do is look up at minkyun, whose hair fans out around his head like a halo. why did they ever wait to do this? to have this? is there a measurable reason? is this really a relationship or just a passing moment?

minkyun nips at the edge of yuto's jaw and he tilts his head to bare his neck. minkyun counts the lines and veins that bisect with his lips. he sucks the underside of yuto’s jaw and he can’t help but sigh. as he moves down the column of skin, his eyes slip closed. a hand pushes up past his belly button and wraps his hand around yuto’s side, just above his hip and squeezes lightly. his eyes snap open as minkyun sucks hard on a patch of skin below and to the left of his adam's apple.

" _ hyung-” _ it’s meant as a warning but comes out as a desperate plea, fingers scrabbling at minkyun’s shoulders and tightening his knees around minkyun’s hips. minkyun soothes the bite with his tongue and strokes up and down yuto's side with his thumb and broad palm. he trembles vengefully. minkyun keeps nipping the tender skin of the bite. "they'll see," he whispers.

"lower, then?" breath moves over where his shoulder connects to his neck, "here?"

he twists his fingers in his slightly damp hair, not saying anything just pushing minkyuns lips to that spot. he cringes as minkyun smiles against him and pulls at the skin, gently at first, then harder and harder until arches so much minkyun holds his hips to the floor. the noises he's clamping down on escape in tiny, sharp puffs through his nose. minkyun laps at the skin and breathes over it, cooling it and soothing the pain. then again. yuto’s almost crying as his skin blooms in deep maroon and purple flowers above his collar bone. he glares at minkyun or a moment at the number of bites littering his shoulder and chest, but quickly gets over it. yuto knows. they won't go farther than this. he has no plan further than feeling how minkyun reacts to his touch. it's like he's been gifted a strange power; he's curious. yuto moves his hand and presses his palm flat against minkyun's belly, fingertips nestled beneath his waistband. he feels his stomach jump at the touch. his hips twitch as nails snag the top of his boxers-

 

"yuto," minkyun advises, gazing down at him with a ‘don’t start things i won’t let you finish’ look in his eye.

he moves his hand back by his side reluctantly. yuto can barely make out the hickeys on his neck. he hopes there as dark as he thinks they are.

"you're an animal," yuto scolds, emptily.

"you asked me," minkyun whines back.

yuto’s comeback dies in his throat when minkyun lifts his arms, catching his wrists in one hand, grasping them tightly. he holds them over yuto's head and yuto complies without resistance. confused but not protesting.

minkyun’s blond head moves down his chest, his hair tickles his stomach and yuto whines in surprise. it's ticklish, but then it's joined by minkyun's mouth to the right of his belly button and yuto's mouth opens so fast he feels his jaw stretch.

“ _ ah,  _ what are you doing?” his left leg curls around minkyun’s right, anchoring him to something.  minkyun holds yuto still as he explores yuto's stomach with lips and tongue until—until—

minkyun exhales over a patch of skin right before yuto's hip. he expects it, but when minkyun sinks his teeth into the tender spot, yuto still screams, loud enough that his heart races with anxiety that he might have alerted someone. minkyun is not gentle with him. he keeps his teeth dug into yuto's skin, sucking at it until the sharp pain fades to an arousing dull ache that pulses whenever minkyun sucks hard at the indentations. when minkyun pulls away, he lets yuto go with a lewd pop and yuto groans. minkyun thumbs the mark, smearing his saliva over yuto's skin and cooling the pain.

"you should've warned me." yuto pants, eyebrows furrowed, adjusting to the strangely comforting pain.

"sorry, the idea just came to me," minkyun hums satisfied with his work, bringing himself to kneel straddling yuto’s legs. he pushes sweaty hair out of his face, narrow brown eyes joyful. and it’s like everything’s the same, apart from the fact that he’s covered in minkyun’s teeth marks and spit. all of his skin aches from being tugged at, it’s an ache he never thought he'd feel. he wonders briefly if the rest of his life will feel like this. if he and minkyun’s world will feel like this.

 

“so,” minkyun wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, “how was the flight?” 

  
  
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading~  
> comments and kudos are always appreciated !!!  
> (and yes mk's texting user may just be my twitter @ the world may never know)
> 
> [ my twitter ](https://twitter.com/kittykyuun)  
> come ask me things or share your prompts [ here ](https://curiouscat.me/kyunyoonpuff)
> 
> [ ryo and haru's wedding ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZGS4LHLkYk)


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